i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
