he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
