I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
