walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
