so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
