At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
