Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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