She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
