You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
