Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
