the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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