Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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