and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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