I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Randomize
