I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize