i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
