just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
