don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
