i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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