Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
