are you so shy because you have an std?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Randomize
