just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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