Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
