i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
