I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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