i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
