Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
