I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize