He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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