We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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