On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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