you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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