Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sorry my hands just texted you
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
