is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
