i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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