ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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