"it" just moved
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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