I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
