i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize