Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I woke up under a house in Key West
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