i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
