I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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