I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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