You just made me feel so damn special
I'm really into asian looking animals
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He uses pillows to masturbate.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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