remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
