new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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