you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
