So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
