this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize