Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
