you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
