i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
