That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
