You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize