John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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