I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I am full of burrito and curiosity
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
