Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
