maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
