Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
