there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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