dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
as a side note pls kill me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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