It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
do herpes really smell.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
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