U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
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