I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
