I think my vagina is haunted
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
