good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
