xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
