You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Randomize
