we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
