talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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