Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
