dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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