Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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